Just A Simple Wednesday

2 Jan

So many things are under way at our home. We are trying to purge our house of things we dont need, so we can finish the basement and build a family room. We have pretty much tied up lose ends forr 2012 and we are looking onward and upward!

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I am so glad we hit Zoo Lights the other night. It was spur of the moment and so much fun. The local zoo puts up so many Christmas lights and you get to walk around. Very fun.

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It has been a normal day today. We got back to the bump and grind. Back to our usual pace. Early mornings for me, but we still can’t seem to all get out of the house on time. I think there was an air of calm around the house, serenity. That’s the joy of the holiday break I guess.

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We ate our BBQ tofu for dinner after basketball practice (I was not inventive tonight), we all took our bathes, we were calm and we were filled with joy. I cherish these nights.

Also, please change my URL in your favorites to http://www.caitlinlittle.com
We have been having issues with the mobile site though, so bare with us.

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2013

1 Jan

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I havent posted such a long time. I think it all just got away from me. My life as a working wife and mother, it became overwhelming.

This year is going to be grand. Amazing. Special.

I can’t wait for 2013.

Whatever Happens, I’ll Leave It All To Chance

3 Sep

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Tonight my friends daughter was calling for me through the house. I came around the corner and she goes “Did you dream about your wedding when you were young?” I told her that I did, I told her that I dreamed of a long blowy dress, being married outside, walking down the isle to John Denver with my dad, and saying I do surrounded by family and friends.

Thankfully, that all happened. Then she asked me when I knew that I wanted to marry Harold and when he was the one. Isn’t that a silly question? Well, it took me a second, because it really wasn’t silly. On the outside it looked like he proposed, I said yes, and several months later I walked down the isle to my best friend and we were happy ever after, the birds sang, the clouds opened, and we were eternally bound. The answer I gave was no where near that simple.

I’m going to write this because I hope that someday my kids see it, my friends see it, and it gives clarity as to why I said yes at such a crazy time in my life to commit to something that was so big.

Harold and I had been learning so much about each other at such a fast rate. We were in an incredibly tense time in our relationship in which I was learning that walking away and shutting the door wasn’t the answer, that you need to learn what other people like and grow instead of just moving on. He was learning that I am insane and sometimes I’m just bananas, but that it comes from a good place and I want to help people. I was listening to God so much during that time. I remember spending nights just asking for help. I was so stressed from my job, and I was young. I was in a relationship that came with an instant family and instant responsibilities that stretch way beyond the skills I had learned as a babysitter.

Then I heard exactly what God wanted me to hear. It made sense. In all other times in my life, when I wasn’t happy, or it didn’t suit me, I just turned around. I felt like it was their fault, their problem, but this time I wasn’t walking away, and I actually cared. There was no blaming past experiences for making me that way, or changing myself from the core to be what they wanted and it not working out because it was a superficial false costume. I wanted to better myself, to be the best person that I could be, for him, for me, for everyone. I figured out that walking away would never make it better. It would just make it happen again, but I wouldn’t want to stay the next time, or the time after that. I heard the word of Him, and He asked if I would ever go through this for anyone else, and I knew the answer.

I wouldn’t.

That’s it. I knew. I was in it for the long haul. That was November, and then magically he proposed a month later, and completely caught me off guard. Harold had even bought the ring during the time of my mini revelation. I believe in fate, soul mates, the greater good, and everything falling into place. It takes time, it takes work, but it happens.

Plus, if you really want to get to the nitty gritty, one time before Harold and I were even friends, he offered me a ride once when I was walking home from work. I said no, I don’t accept rides from strangers. He asked me repeatedly because it was so cold out, and I kept saying no and walking. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I said yes. It doesn’t matter though, he still would have wound up being my husband.

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I worry over situations that I know will be alright.

31 Aug

Today was filled with thinking. With contemplation, with the end of summer cleaning of the mind, body and spirit. And my counters, I cleaned those too. And my teeth, my teeth were cleaned too, I had a dentist appointment. It was early, but very useful.

I was lucky enough to have my best friend come with me to watch Kirby while I had my appointment. Strangely enough, I don’t get mad that often. I get frustrated, sad, angry, but not really mad. Mad is an emotion that I tend to not accept, I don’t believe in holding onto anger, which is what I think being mad is. I let it go, I try to let it fly away. There is too much going on to let yourself harbor negative feelings towards something that can not change. Boy oh boy was I wrong, and I was in for a new awakening.

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For years, I had a best friend. We did EVERYTHING together, and I practically lived at her house to the point that I had my own room and kept things there. I helped her family with chores like any other kid, I cooked family dinners, babysat her little brother, we danced in the same ballet company, we were best friends. All three of us were best friends, and we all had the same schedules and enjoyed activities, but had our own interests as well. Like a troupe of super heros, we all had our strengths. We had the reader, the learner, and the doer. We felt like we could concur the world. Then I met Harold, and things changed.

You know when you watch a horror film, and the person you think is the killer isn’t actually the killer at all, and it’s the best friend? The one that was there at every scary part, at behind every corner? I guess it was a disagreement, and a melding of minds that just never happened. We drifted apart, that’s expected. I was in college and living on my own with Harold, and she was working and living with her mother. When Harold and I got engaged, it was not always a mutual acceptance.

There were harsh words, mean things were said. It wasn’t pretty. All of a sudden I had a person who had been there for me for years, not wanting to have anything to do with me. Wanting me to make choices that agreed with their life plans and goals, and not mine. It hurt. It still hurts, because regardless of what anyone says, it never stops hurting to lose someone you love. No one will ever tell you to stop being sad when someone dies, so what is the difference if it’s because they leave your life?

Change can hurt, they say to rip off the band-aid and just move on, but for me, ripping off that band-aid took me out of all my social groups. There were pieces to pick up, but I felt like I had done something wrong. They say there is strength in pain, but that comes after the storm, after the water has washed away all that you had and you are left with the sordid remnants and are painfully aware that there are holes in your sneakers.

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I have taught myself to be positive, to move like the tall stalks of wheat in a field. I can look back and say that I did everything right for me. I had my got married, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy (that whole pregnancy thing wasn’t accepted well at all, because apparently that whole growing a life inside you is easily given up by some people, I will never understand that, I was raised to understand how precious it is), and we bought a house. My family and I have foraged a life for ourselves, and we are happy, but that doesn’t take away the pain.

So today, when my best friend accompanied me to the dentist, and in the car when I inquired about her birthday plans, in hopes of planning her a birthday party in a mere two months time, she let me know that she is going to be going to a musical with her for her birthday. Never before have I been so mad, that I actually stop talking to someone for an entire car ride and ferry boat journey, and then the remainder of a car ride. So I’m talking through the I-5 corridor from Federal Way all the way to the island, I was that peeved. It’s not that she is going to my favorite musical, the one that I introduced all of our friends to in high school, because in all honesty, my whole schtick in high school was Broadway music, it’s that it made me see where the line in the sand has been drawn.

I am on one side of the line, the line with kids, a husband, a career, responsibilities, the need for babysitters, friends who have kids, friends who appreciate a good glass of pinot, or any glass of pinot, and pieces of wood and blocks, hammers and nails, to build this amazing life and all the things we desire or need. Their side of the line is so much different. Their side of the line has no mail box to receive bills, no phone numbers tacked to the fridge in case of an emergency, no picture frames filled up with pictures of growing families, and love notes taped to computer monitors. That’s not to say their side isn’t a great side to be on, but it’s not my side.

It’s hard to compute why I am still hurt so bad by a girl from my past, to act in such a way in which grown adults said things about me that weren’t true in the vain of thinking of themselves in a better light. It’s not something I wish upon my daughter, or future daughter. Maybe someday they will see what they have done, and look back and feel poorly. But for now, I can pull all my kids close to me, smell their lovely childlike scent, and look around to what I have built. This is a house of positivity and happy times, and Harold and I have built that together.

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Scraped knees included.

Oh us? We just spent this last week being AWESOME (I have no catchy title for this post)

30 Aug

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We are wrapping up summer. The leaves are starting to fall, there is a quaint chill in the morning air, and I wore a sweater to take Daphne to her first grade meet and great (oh, do you see what I did there?).

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On Tuesday, we took an amazing day trip to see my paternal grandparents. They are these amazing people, and although I’m pretty sure my grandfather will never give me his beautiful corvette, I love him just the same. My grandmother made potato salad, and I about died, it was that good.

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It seems our unofficial theme for the summer was thankful. We were thankful for each other, our strengths, or weaknesses were supported, our accomplishments were celebrated.

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We took lots of family time, and just enjoyed the good weather. Did we get enough stuff done around the house yet? Probably not, but there is always time for that I think. There is always time to fold laundry, but only one summer when Daphne is almost 6 and Kirby is almost 2.

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If you can’t tell from our photos, we went to the zoo this week.

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We are really looking forward to this upcoming school year. Daphne is so excited, and we spend evenings talking about all the things she wants to happen this year. “Mom, I can’t wait to see my friends” and “Mom, I can play on the big playground now! I’m a big girl!” are the sweetest things to hear. When she opens her big brown eyes and looks at me with so much excitement and confidence, it makes me just cherish her even more. She is going to do so many amazing things, and I don’t know if I can really grasp that yet.

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I’m glad I took a vacation week. It was so worth it. Staycation. And tomorrow? A dentist appointment, because everyone wants someone to hang out in their mouth for like an hour…

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xoxox
Clean teeth and caramel rum cake,
Caitlin

This Ear Is No Fun

14 Aug

I’m giving up. I’m throwing in the towel. There are dishes in the sink that need to be put in the dish washer. There is a basket or two or three of laundry that needs to be folded, but I’m done. I need to rest. I need to sleep. I need to regain the ability to swallow. So many things ache and burn, so I drank broth for dinner.

This week I am spending extra time with my fathers dogs, that used to be my dogs, but have become his dogs.

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This is Riley. He is huge. And thick. And pulls me down the road like a rag doll. I am no where as strong as my father.

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This is on my fathers book shelf. I love it! That’s my sister and I in his custom hot rod, and he is in the background. Can you see? Love!

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And these are the flowers that Harold bought me for giving birth to our son. I love my husband to bits.

I didn’t want to break my posting streak, so this has been posted from my bed of sickness from my phone.

Off to the Land of Nod,
Caitlin

Two Is Always Better Then One, Unless It’s An Ear Infection

13 Aug

I am guilty of the biggest mom faux pas of them all, I take care of myself LAST. Even if I am taking care of the dog, the plants, the kids, the husband, the internet problem, I always seem to put myself last. Thank gosh it has finally manifested itself, in a crippling horrible double ear infection.

A doctors appointment was made for me today by a very caring someone because she noticed that I was still getting bugged by my ears. Now, I have always been bugged by my ears. They itch, they get cloudy, they HURT, they are just annoying. I assumed that everyone’s ears were like that, and it was the reason that they had q-tips. Apparently, this isn’t the case. My amazing new doctor alerted me to the fact that I have an ear infection in both my ear canals, and that it has probably lasted years and no one has ever really looked. It’s bad, it hurts, it explains A LOT. It is the answer as to why I have been nauseous all the time, why I’ve had incredible chills, and lastly probably why I can’t hear at all. Now I have ear drops, they are already helping. I’m thinking on the bright side, and I’m never letting myself go this far down the hole without saying something to someone, including my sweet wonderful husband.

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But in the mean time, we enjoy picnics on the beach.

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Throwing rocks in the water with Dad on his lunch break.

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Sunsets and new perspectives (I’m a giant!)

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And never missing a beat on the family photos.

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It’s an early bed time for this mom, because oh good gosh golly I need to get better, soon.
Caitlin