Archive | August, 2012

I worry over situations that I know will be alright.

31 Aug

Today was filled with thinking. With contemplation, with the end of summer cleaning of the mind, body and spirit. And my counters, I cleaned those too. And my teeth, my teeth were cleaned too, I had a dentist appointment. It was early, but very useful.

I was lucky enough to have my best friend come with me to watch Kirby while I had my appointment. Strangely enough, I don’t get mad that often. I get frustrated, sad, angry, but not really mad. Mad is an emotion that I tend to not accept, I don’t believe in holding onto anger, which is what I think being mad is. I let it go, I try to let it fly away. There is too much going on to let yourself harbor negative feelings towards something that can not change. Boy oh boy was I wrong, and I was in for a new awakening.

Photobucket

For years, I had a best friend. We did EVERYTHING together, and I practically lived at her house to the point that I had my own room and kept things there. I helped her family with chores like any other kid, I cooked family dinners, babysat her little brother, we danced in the same ballet company, we were best friends. All three of us were best friends, and we all had the same schedules and enjoyed activities, but had our own interests as well. Like a troupe of super heros, we all had our strengths. We had the reader, the learner, and the doer. We felt like we could concur the world. Then I met Harold, and things changed.

You know when you watch a horror film, and the person you think is the killer isn’t actually the killer at all, and it’s the best friend? The one that was there at every scary part, at behind every corner? I guess it was a disagreement, and a melding of minds that just never happened. We drifted apart, that’s expected. I was in college and living on my own with Harold, and she was working and living with her mother. When Harold and I got engaged, it was not always a mutual acceptance.

There were harsh words, mean things were said. It wasn’t pretty. All of a sudden I had a person who had been there for me for years, not wanting to have anything to do with me. Wanting me to make choices that agreed with their life plans and goals, and not mine. It hurt. It still hurts, because regardless of what anyone says, it never stops hurting to lose someone you love. No one will ever tell you to stop being sad when someone dies, so what is the difference if it’s because they leave your life?

Change can hurt, they say to rip off the band-aid and just move on, but for me, ripping off that band-aid took me out of all my social groups. There were pieces to pick up, but I felt like I had done something wrong. They say there is strength in pain, but that comes after the storm, after the water has washed away all that you had and you are left with the sordid remnants and are painfully aware that there are holes in your sneakers.

Photobucket

I have taught myself to be positive, to move like the tall stalks of wheat in a field. I can look back and say that I did everything right for me. I had my got married, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy (that whole pregnancy thing wasn’t accepted well at all, because apparently that whole growing a life inside you is easily given up by some people, I will never understand that, I was raised to understand how precious it is), and we bought a house. My family and I have foraged a life for ourselves, and we are happy, but that doesn’t take away the pain.

So today, when my best friend accompanied me to the dentist, and in the car when I inquired about her birthday plans, in hopes of planning her a birthday party in a mere two months time, she let me know that she is going to be going to a musical with her for her birthday. Never before have I been so mad, that I actually stop talking to someone for an entire car ride and ferry boat journey, and then the remainder of a car ride. So I’m talking through the I-5 corridor from Federal Way all the way to the island, I was that peeved. It’s not that she is going to my favorite musical, the one that I introduced all of our friends to in high school, because in all honesty, my whole schtick in high school was Broadway music, it’s that it made me see where the line in the sand has been drawn.

I am on one side of the line, the line with kids, a husband, a career, responsibilities, the need for babysitters, friends who have kids, friends who appreciate a good glass of pinot, or any glass of pinot, and pieces of wood and blocks, hammers and nails, to build this amazing life and all the things we desire or need. Their side of the line is so much different. Their side of the line has no mail box to receive bills, no phone numbers tacked to the fridge in case of an emergency, no picture frames filled up with pictures of growing families, and love notes taped to computer monitors. That’s not to say their side isn’t a great side to be on, but it’s not my side.

It’s hard to compute why I am still hurt so bad by a girl from my past, to act in such a way in which grown adults said things about me that weren’t true in the vain of thinking of themselves in a better light. It’s not something I wish upon my daughter, or future daughter. Maybe someday they will see what they have done, and look back and feel poorly. But for now, I can pull all my kids close to me, smell their lovely childlike scent, and look around to what I have built. This is a house of positivity and happy times, and Harold and I have built that together.

Photobucket
Scraped knees included.

Oh us? We just spent this last week being AWESOME (I have no catchy title for this post)

30 Aug

Photobucket

We are wrapping up summer. The leaves are starting to fall, there is a quaint chill in the morning air, and I wore a sweater to take Daphne to her first grade meet and great (oh, do you see what I did there?).

Photobucket

On Tuesday, we took an amazing day trip to see my paternal grandparents. They are these amazing people, and although I’m pretty sure my grandfather will never give me his beautiful corvette, I love him just the same. My grandmother made potato salad, and I about died, it was that good.

Photobucket

It seems our unofficial theme for the summer was thankful. We were thankful for each other, our strengths, or weaknesses were supported, our accomplishments were celebrated.

Photobucket

We took lots of family time, and just enjoyed the good weather. Did we get enough stuff done around the house yet? Probably not, but there is always time for that I think. There is always time to fold laundry, but only one summer when Daphne is almost 6 and Kirby is almost 2.

Photobucket

If you can’t tell from our photos, we went to the zoo this week.

Photobucket

We are really looking forward to this upcoming school year. Daphne is so excited, and we spend evenings talking about all the things she wants to happen this year. “Mom, I can’t wait to see my friends” and “Mom, I can play on the big playground now! I’m a big girl!” are the sweetest things to hear. When she opens her big brown eyes and looks at me with so much excitement and confidence, it makes me just cherish her even more. She is going to do so many amazing things, and I don’t know if I can really grasp that yet.

Photobucket

I’m glad I took a vacation week. It was so worth it. Staycation. And tomorrow? A dentist appointment, because everyone wants someone to hang out in their mouth for like an hour…

Photobucket

xoxox
Clean teeth and caramel rum cake,
Caitlin

This Ear Is No Fun

14 Aug

I’m giving up. I’m throwing in the towel. There are dishes in the sink that need to be put in the dish washer. There is a basket or two or three of laundry that needs to be folded, but I’m done. I need to rest. I need to sleep. I need to regain the ability to swallow. So many things ache and burn, so I drank broth for dinner.

This week I am spending extra time with my fathers dogs, that used to be my dogs, but have become his dogs.

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

This is Riley. He is huge. And thick. And pulls me down the road like a rag doll. I am no where as strong as my father.

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

This is on my fathers book shelf. I love it! That’s my sister and I in his custom hot rod, and he is in the background. Can you see? Love!

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

And these are the flowers that Harold bought me for giving birth to our son. I love my husband to bits.

I didn’t want to break my posting streak, so this has been posted from my bed of sickness from my phone.

Off to the Land of Nod,
Caitlin

Two Is Always Better Then One, Unless It’s An Ear Infection

13 Aug

I am guilty of the biggest mom faux pas of them all, I take care of myself LAST. Even if I am taking care of the dog, the plants, the kids, the husband, the internet problem, I always seem to put myself last. Thank gosh it has finally manifested itself, in a crippling horrible double ear infection.

A doctors appointment was made for me today by a very caring someone because she noticed that I was still getting bugged by my ears. Now, I have always been bugged by my ears. They itch, they get cloudy, they HURT, they are just annoying. I assumed that everyone’s ears were like that, and it was the reason that they had q-tips. Apparently, this isn’t the case. My amazing new doctor alerted me to the fact that I have an ear infection in both my ear canals, and that it has probably lasted years and no one has ever really looked. It’s bad, it hurts, it explains A LOT. It is the answer as to why I have been nauseous all the time, why I’ve had incredible chills, and lastly probably why I can’t hear at all. Now I have ear drops, they are already helping. I’m thinking on the bright side, and I’m never letting myself go this far down the hole without saying something to someone, including my sweet wonderful husband.

Photobucket

But in the mean time, we enjoy picnics on the beach.

Photobucket

Throwing rocks in the water with Dad on his lunch break.

Photobucket

Sunsets and new perspectives (I’m a giant!)

Photobucket

And never missing a beat on the family photos.

Photobucket

It’s an early bed time for this mom, because oh good gosh golly I need to get better, soon.
Caitlin

A Verry Merry Birthday to Two

12 Aug

This weekend was special. Well, all weekends are special. I’m telling you though, this weekend was extra extra truly special. We had a birthday party for the kids. Daphne turned 6, and Kirby turned 2, and they are four years and two days apart. We thought it would be the best and most magical way to welcome in this upcoming year and really represent our family.

Hell, who I am I kidding? I only wanted to buy one cake.

Photobucket

I kid, I kid. It was a fabulous occasion, and purchasing only one cake was really just an added bonus that I didn’t think about until after the party was all over.

Photobucket

It was a simple party, it was the funnest party. The recipe for the party is as follows:
1. Wait until three days until party would be held
2. Send out mass emails for a party
3. Purchase cake and snacks
4. Go to public park and just wait for people to show up

Photobucket

Somehow, it was this amazing and fun party. We scheduled snacks, cake, and a pinata, everything else the children did was on their own and uninhibited. Parents conversed and watched their kids, everyone had everyone’s kid in eyesight. We scored the most perfect spot in the park. I am the party throwing queen, and I’m not afraid to say it.

Photobucket

Photobucket

My son is turning 2, and my daughter is turning 6. They sing, play, laugh, dance, they are kind and loving, and have Jesus in their hearts. Everyday these kids that I have are getting older and older, wiser and wiser, and holy jeez am I lucky that I am here for the ride, camera in hand. Blog at the ready to record and share all the fun and exciting moments that make up their lives. Our lives.

Daphne is just this ball of spunk and fire. She whips out stories with so much vigor and delight, is so careful when she draws and makes sure that she includes teeth, fingers, and hair. Girlfriend is a whirlwind. I remember when I first met you. You were two, and loved nothing more in the world then a can of spaghettio’s and some Sponge Bob. You’re growing into this Little lady, who sits on the couch watching Top Chef and helping me make roasted carrot soup. I count my blessings everyday that you call me mom. I am blessed by you.

Photobucket

Photobucket

So when this little guy turns 2 on Monday, I’ll be super emotional. My Little lion man, my buddy, the cutie to my patootie. Where has the time gone?

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Tearful hugs and ever loving smiles,
xoxo
Caitlin

A Typical Funday Monday

7 Aug

It was a typical Monday, and boy do I sure love me a good Monday.

I see Monday as a very important day. A day that’s full of positive choices, extra coffee, at least once balanced meal, and some serious kid centric cuddles. No matter how hectic my Monday is, we all finish it off at Miss Robyn’s house. Robyn is a very special kind of friend. She is the friend who’s kids are the same age as your kids, isn’t afraid to tell you that your yeast is dead and that it’s why your break sucks, and looks at me with an ever so lovely gaze of contentment when I ask her if I have to buy earth worms for my garden or if they come with my soil.

Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App
Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App
Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App
Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App

I just really love Mondays. Even though I’m pretty sure my dog at some cashews, and they really don’t sit with her stomach well, and I just finished washing her at 12:30 in the morning because the smell…oh god the smell. Sometimes I love my dog more then sleep. She falls into a similar category as my kids, except Shadow has to sleep in her own bed even if she has a nightmare.

Well, that’s not exactly true. She’s about 7 pounds, and things in the 7 pound and under weight are always approved for nightmare ailing cuddles.

I wish they also made doggie breath mints.
xoxo
Caitlin

My deepest apologies on not posting. I’m here to confess that I have a disease, it’s called summeritus.

5 Aug

Mamma Chair!

Holy moley rice and cheese it’s HOT! I think today it managed to get to 90 something degrees. It was humid. I think. Obviously I was never going to be a meteorologist. Regardless, not my favorite. I’m a fall person. I love me some autumn weather. Believe me, I love summer. Both my kids birthdays are in the summer, we go camping, there is roasted pig, family games of horse shoes, frozen yogurt, the works, but I just don’t LOVE it like some people do. Do you want to know why?

When I’m hot, I can only take so much clothing off until I’m arrested.

Plain and simple. I dislike summer so A. You don’t have to experience my public indecency & B. So I stay out of the slammer.

Sweat Peas!

In the midst of staying out of the big house, I have been keeping busy all summer. Camping trips, art camps, town festivals, and best of all potty training Kirby! I know, you gasp. He isn’t even two you say? Well, I have a huge secret; he wants to. Other then encouraging his naked butt to potty when he feels like it, it’s been happening. I have drawn some lucky lottery, in which the win is having a boy, younger then two, be basically potty trained. He still sleeps in a diaper, and wears his huggies and luvs out of the house, but for the most part at home, it’s the big boy undies. When out and about, he tells us he needs to go with a series of grabbing and pointing. It works. We love it. I’m counting my blessings as we speak.

There isn’t much happening on this side of the water other then my babies turning six and two next weekend, and working in a building that I can’t figure out if it’s air conditioned or not.

Dancing in the almost moonlight

Hopefully I’ll keep up the posting, until then, I hope you enjoy the once in a blue yonder posts.
xoxo
Caitlin