I’m counting these Reese’s Cups as my dinner.

21 Jan

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I’ve been thinking a lot about variables, constants, hypothesis, and what we can’t control vs what I wish in my heart of hearts I could control. I wish I could control Daphne’s tears during a surprise dive into darkness that only a power outage brings. I know I can’t control the weather, but I wish it wouldn’t snow so much, so quickly. Here in Washington, it creates this dense, crisp, ice sheet. Some might say I’m a curmudgeon, a fuddy dutty when it comes to snow. I don’t like being cold, I don’t like when my kids are uncomfortable in the cold, and I don’t like when I can’t go anywhere and do anything in the cold. We have recycle to take to the recycle center, clothes to take to the thrift store, and things to put away. But what I can change, what I can rely on as the ever changing variable, but also the amazingly strong constant, is myself.

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The longer then normal snow coverage brought on some great things. Getting projects done at work, thinking about investments with Harold, and getting things done at home that needed to get done. I did so much laundry, in fear of losing power, I kept the kitchen almost clean, and we moved some stuff around on the porch. The biggest thing we did was moving around our living room. Harold and I seldom have days where we are stuck in the house. We normally get outside chores done, but when there is 5″ of snow in an area that doesn’t understand snow, it is helpful. We built a shelf out of vintage skis above our window, and put the television on it. We moved the couch from against one wall, to across from the bay window. It creates a hallway into the rest of the house, and by rest of the house I mean two bedrooms and bathroom/laundry room. Yes I know, our spacious mansion knows no end 😉 . We moved the dinning room table next to the window, so it is under the tv. It eliminates the I’m sitting at the table but my eyes are glued to the tv problem. I have found that we are in fact, starting to have this problem with our girl. The I see that we have a tv so I’m just going to watch it all the time regardless of what I’m doing problem. For the record, Harold and I do not support this, and we are the only ones who have the remotes. It happens though. We can’t control what happens on the weekends, and playing outside makes no sense when you can’t feel your own hands, it’s wetter then King Tritans tale, or when it’s 7am and someone is still on South American time. The weather has been good for us though. We got so much done, and are so happy with it all. It was a WE thing, because neither of us could have gotten it done on our own.

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I’ve had a hard time writing lately. I don’t know what I should share and what I shouldn’t. I find that the line is a bit different for a mother who doesn’t want to broadcast the complete lives of her kids on the internet, when you are a step mom and understand that certain things are up to the birth mother and not yourself when it comes to the little girl you call your own, and when you have a job that you can’t share everything in the world about. There are so many things that come into my mind during the day, but I don’t have the confidence to post them, I don’t have the desire to tell more people then normal about the gross things or cute things that my kids did, or talk about my childs poop. I have a desire to express my joys and shames, in a way that doesn’t make people point fingers and name names, to bring it up int the grocery store later. The internet makes the world a more complicated place, but I believe that God has a plan for us all, and for me, part of that plan is to share my experiences of being a 20 year old wife, mother, and daughter of God.

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My new job has brought on so many challenges. Broadening my spectrum of operations, bending my mind around logic and concepts that I haven’t used since school, and bringing on a new form of organization. I’m thoroughly enjoying it, and I will for a very long time. I come home, I relax with the family after a hard day, and I am content. The computer at work always stays the same, and I can grow and adapt to learn from it. It’s an amazing feeling, knowing that I am the variable, but I am also in control of myself. These things bring me happiness.

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There is a chance that I should clean my kitchen, and work on the ever increasing pile of dishes that I have deemed the Mt Kilimanjaro of my sink, but to be perfectly honest, I’m content with my vacuumed and rearranged living room.

Caitlin

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One Response to “I’m counting these Reese’s Cups as my dinner.”

  1. Elle February 6, 2012 at 5:13 am #

    awwww your pics are beautiful as your children!!! good luck with your job =)

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